Chapter 8, The Anger That Is Too Embarrassed to Speak

There is not enough money. Their card machine is broken

While he still had his wits about him, he stopped her and sighed, "That's enough, let's go." Xin Yitian, half-supported and half-held by him, sat in the car, her head leaning against the window as she fell asleep, revealing a section of her fair and smooth nape.

She stopped in the middle of the road, filled with anger, regretting that she had not slapped Wei Xian that night. She did not know what nonsense he had spouted to make Wang Yishi humiliate her like this

He Zhen expressed his understanding, "Then tomorrow evening I will treat you to dinner at 'Furong Pavilion', consider it a practice."

Xin Yitian felt a surge of anger rising to her face, her hands clenched tightly together. Unable to endure any longer, she coldly exclaimed, "Have you said enough?"

Wei seemed to have anticipated this moment long ago, and his expression was not particularly flustered. He did not look at his fiancée, but instead lowered his head as if deep in thought, his movements appearing frozen. Then he put on his glasses, faced her as she sat down on the sofa, deliberately averting his gaze from her face, "You must have known."

The person across from me suppressed their anger and let out a cold laugh, "Oh, it has nothing to do with me—then what about Wei? That must concern me, right?"

No need for that, why go to such expense! What kind of relationship do we have that requires such formalities

She has always suspected that she is frigid. However, this private matter has never been mentioned to anyone, including doctors. Therefore, she cannot tolerate Wang Yishi's ruthless exposure of her shortcomings.

Looking back, it seems like a joke. However, now she cannot escape and begins to question herself, whether it is a physical reason or a psychological one. If a solution could be found, that would be even better. As she walked and thought, she suddenly stopped, made a fierce face at the glass window by the roadside, and said gloomily: "How would I know? I have only ever had one boyfriend, Wei Xian!"

As soon as she arrived, she ordered a drink. Xie did not intervene. The two of them, like rivals, occupied opposite sides of the dining table, treating the food in front of them as their adversary, and began to sweep it away indiscriminately

At first, the two would only occasionally make a phone call, and when they met, they would have a meal together, with Xin Yitian usually present. Although he found her beautiful and charming, he had never entertained any other thoughts. Until one day in July, she called him and asked if he could pick her up at the airport, mentioning that it would be in the evening and would not interfere with his work. Out of both sentiment and reason, he had no choice but to go and pick her up

Xin Yitian felt as if she had been dealt a heavy slap in the face, her expression changing dramatically as she stood up. For her, this was undoubtedly a great insult. She turned her resentment towards Wei Xianlai, thinking that men could say anything in bed! She looked down at Wang Yishi, trying her best to feign disdain and contempt, yet she was unsure if she succeeded. She picked up her clothes and tossed out a remark: "I have nothing to say to you." Without looking back, she left. In truth, it felt more like a hasty retreat.

One day, as she emerged from the dry cleaner carrying several pieces of clothing, her phone rang. She draped the clothes over her arm and fumbled through her bag for a while before finally finding it. Upon seeing the name on the screen, her expression immediately soured. She answered the call and held the phone to her ear, asking in a low voice, "What is it?"

He appeared to be in a good mood, while she was in a terrible state

He watched her cry so hard that she could hardly breathe, her tears and snot making a mess all over him, leaving him unable to utter a single word. Thus, the matter continued to drag on.

Lu Shaofeng poured milk for his wife and interjected, "Is there even a need to say this? Of course, she is tired! There’s the handover, moving, shipping, and so many things to deal with. Unlike you, who just eats and sleeps all day, like a pig!"

Alright, alright, do not be so polite. Just consider it as us benefiting from your generosity, improving our meals

Wei was taken aback, not expecting her methods to be so decisive and forceful. Seeing that she was in a fit of anger, he did not dare to say much and quietly took his coat and left.

Xin Yitian was most unwilling to make enemies, especially with women. The result would only be mutual destruction. She sighed and said: "If a woman goes to great lengths to seduce a man, especially if she is a beautiful woman, I do not believe any man can resist. Therefore, I believe. I have had a three-year relationship with Wei Xian, and we went through those difficult, lonely days in France together. This feeling of relying on each other, I think even if you cannot empathize, you can certainly understand." At this point, she paused, and with a sincere and earnest tone, she said: "I married him not because of you, nor because of Xie De, but because I want to marry him."

Xie De did not speak either

"Alright, I will wait for you," the other party said before promptly hanging up the phone

How did it happen? Tell me!" Xin Yitian shouted loudly, unable to control herself.

Director Qi, upon hearing her words, had no choice but to concede, saying: "I will apply to the higher authorities to send someone over as soon as possible to take over your affairs at Shanglin. Please organize the necessary materials and prepare for the handover."

She said softly, "My fiancé is in Beijing, and we have been living apart for a long time, which is not good"

Xin Yitian did not hear clearly, looking at her with confusion, and asked warily: "What did you say?"

Xinyi Tian suppressed the anger that surged in her heart and said, "Wang Yishi, no matter how extravagant your words are or how arrogant your demeanor may be, it cannot change the fact that what you have done is wrong"

She brought her colleague Xiao Meng to the university, introducing her to the teachers she knew, and asked everyone to take care of her in the future. As a result, everyone knew she was leaving and expressed their intention to treat her to a meal. She declined, saying maybe next time, as she would not be leaving for good and there would be plenty of opportunities in the future

What is the name of that senior brother, and what does he look like? She can no longer remember, only that his surname is Sun. Every time they meet, he always has a lollipop in his mouth. At night, in the woods, when she kisses him, she tastes the sweet and sour flavor from his mouth, and immediately pushes him away. Perhaps the look of disgust on her face struck him, and without thinking, he asked: "Are you sexually frigid?"

I am nearby

This is the second time someone has asked her, "Are you frigid?"

"I want to hear your explanation," Xin Yitian said, suppressing his anger

Is Wei already a married man? As far as I know, you have not yet tied the knot, have you

Xin Yitian threw the clothes wrapped in a plastic bag onto the ground, rummaged through her bag to pull out a banknote and handed it to him, shrugging as she said: "That's all I have, just ten yuan in change. Forget it, could you please bring me a bottle of water"

Xin Yitian drank quite a bit of alcohol, not only drinking herself but also insisting that Xie De accompany her. With one hand holding a wine glass and the other propping up her chin, she earnestly said, "Isn't my face big enough? Can't you drink this glass of wine with me, General Xie?" At first, Xie De ignored her, but later, unable to escape her insistence, he glared at her fiercely and said, "If anything happens, don't blame me. This is your own doing."

Wang Yishi was momentarily taken aback by her candor, but soon regained her composure and said, "Do you really think I am so indiscriminate that any man can end up in my bed?" For Wang Yishi, men fell into two categories: those who were tangible and accessible, and those who were visible yet unattainable. Xie, without a doubt, belonged to the latter category. Thus, she had no choice but to shift her focus, sometimes inevitably harboring a sense of destruction.

Lu Shaofeng, busy with a playful grin, said: "Yes, yes, yes, I am the male pig, you are the female pig, and then we will have a litter of piglets"

"Never mind, I will eat." His voice sounded muffled

Oh, then you should drink some water

Xin Yitian suddenly understood. It was likely that Wei Xian wanted to break up with her, and she felt indignant, which is why he came to confront her in an attempt to embarrass her. Having seen through her opponent's bluster, she felt a sense of relief and leaned back on the sofa, watching the other person leisurely without saying a word

Xinyi Tian did not return to the hotel, but took a taxi directly with her clothes. She took the elevator to the second floor and saw Wang Yishi leisurely sitting there flipping through a magazine through the glass wall outside, with a half-drunk cup of coffee on the table in front of her. She walked over, piled her clothes on the sofa seat inside, and then sat down opposite her.

The first time was during university. In college, she began to learn how to make friends, but most of them were female friends. Someone noticed this and jokingly said to her, "Hey, Xin Yitian, you should get a boyfriend; don't always go in and out with your girlfriends, or people will think you are a lesbian." Encouraged by everyone, she attempted to date a senior from her department.

She seemed not to have seen and directly asked: "What do you want to eat?"

What is wrong with my pig? Isn't the pig something you have your eye on yourself?

Wang Yishi paused at the end of her sentence, raising an eyebrow as if to indicate that she would stop there. However, her next words caused Xin Yitian to completely lose control

He had once argued fiercely with her, and the two of them could not continue like this; it was wrong. She looked at him with disdain, "I know what you are thinking. You want to take advantage of the fact that your precious fiancée is still unaware, to draw a line with me and return to being your ideal young man, right? You have used me up and think you can just walk away? Do you think things in this world are that easy? Am I really so easy to bully, to be manipulated and mistreated at your whim? You have used me up and think you can just walk away? Do you think things in this world are that easy? Am I really so easy to bully, to be manipulated and mistreated at your whim? I will call her right now—"

She thought for a moment and said, "Alright! Where?"

Compared to her nervousness, Wang Yishi appeared very relaxed, "Xie De likes you, you know that?"

Wei Xian did not defend himself

"Being petrified like this is not so bad, it's certainly better than being humiliated by a rival in love as 'emotionally cold.'" She thought to herself in despair. Throughout the afternoon, this matter lingered in her mind, firmly occupying her entire being, as if it were taking root and sprouting.

Thank you for the director's trust and cultivation However, I still wish to return to Beijing

because it struck a nerve

The truth is just as you think—however, however..." He saw the expression of pain on the other person's face and could not continue speaking.

Wang Yishi saw her looking as if she were facing a formidable enemy, but said nothing, her eyes falling on the dry-cleaned clothes. Two of the garments bore the handwritten initials "b." on their buttons and chains. She scoffed, "Subtle luxury, indeed very much like him"

At first, he did not show much reaction, but after a while, he stared at her ice cream and said, "I want to eat that too"

Xie hesitated for a moment, but still bent down to pick up the clothes. However, his complexion grew increasingly worse, and when he reached the side of the car, he almost threw the clothes onto the back seat like a rag, barely stopping short of stepping on them.

Upon arriving at the Truffle Garden, he helped her carry the suitcase upstairs. She poured him a drink and jokingly said she had no strength to go downstairs for dinner, suggesting they order takeout. He agreed. She was in high spirits, took out a bottle of Wuliangye, claiming it was a treasured collection, and asked if he dared to drink it. Provoked by her challenge, he boasted that he had been mingling in banquets since childhood, and one bottle was hardly enough. She immediately produced another bottle, stating that they were a pair, extremely rare, and as long as he could drink, she would let him indulge. Provoked by her challenge, he boasted that he had been mingling in banquets since childhood, and one bottle was hardly enough. She immediately produced another bottle, stating that they were a pair, extremely rare, and as long as he could drink, she would let him indulge.

After listening to his account, Xin Yitian coldly remarked: "From what you say, she intentionally seduced you, and you simply went along with it?"

She even drank a cup of wine with him in a toast. The two of them held hands, their faces close together, their warm breaths intertwining, and after drinking, they felt a warmth spread throughout their bodies

A shadow leaned toward her direction. She struggled to shift her body to the side to make some space. The newcomer, oblivious to the situation, sat down on her left. She glared at him unceremoniously, hoping to make him keep his distance. When she looked up, however, she saw Xie De turning his face with a gentle smile.

"I always thought you liked ... ... Xie De ... ... Why do you insist on clinging to Wei Xian?" In order to dispel her obsession, Xin Yitian changed the subject, even though this topic made her feel somewhat awkward

Do you still remember that dessert shop we visited last time while shopping

The matter of their relationship ended without resolution. She did not feel sad; instead, she let out a sigh of relief

How can one achieve a state like hers, devoid of any sense of guilt? Xin Yitian gazed at her with incredulity, "Is this how you always are? Luring married men?"

She wanted to take a shower, only to realize that her toiletries were not in the bathroom. This was not her room. She opened the door and found Wei Xian squatting outside in a pair of slippers, looking pitiful. Her expression was as cold as ice, and she did not spare him a glance as she slammed the door and left.

What exactly happened? Wei Xian was also pondering.

Xie looked at her, who was so drunk that she was oblivious to her surroundings, and felt that she was within easy reach. He was engaged in a fierce internal struggle. After a while, he sighed and turned the car around, heading towards the hotel where she was staying

The two individuals raised their glasses, toasting back and forth, drinking more and more, becoming increasingly muddled. Subsequently, events unfolded naturally. Upon waking, he felt immense guilt, naively believing that this mistake could be rectified. However, Wang Yishi did not share this view; without any reservations, she called him to arrange meetings, meals, shopping, and movie outings, as she had neither a job nor a family, and had plenty of time.

"Explain? How should I explain?" Xin Yitian saw that he was still hesitating, procrastinating, and unclear, and could not help but feel anger rising from her heart. She pointed at his nose and said: "There are only two choices in this matter, her or me. Think it over and come find me again. Now—" She pointed towards the door, forgetting that this was Wei Xian's room, "Get out!"

Xin Yitian listened to the two of them bickering with great enthusiasm, forcing a smile, and lowered his head pretending to drink a beverage

"Are you sexually indifferent?" she asked seemingly casually, placing her right index finger on her lips.

At least up to this point, she still thinks this way, sincerely and genuinely thinks this way

Xin Yitian began to pack her luggage. He Zhen was a bit surprised to learn that she was returning to Beijing, saying, "So soon? How can you just leave like that?" She shrugged and replied that it was unavoidable due to the company's arrangements, adding, "When the time comes, I will introduce the new colleague to you, and you can continue to collaborate. As for the commission... you can discuss it among yourselves."

Wang Yishi seemed oblivious, still maintaining an elegant smile as she said, "Wow, you are smarter than I imagined. But what exactly is going on between Wei Xian and me is something only we know. Even you are an outsider." Just like with her relationship with Xie De, everyone else is an outsider.

Most of the time, her relationship with Wei Xian was driven by feelings but restrained by propriety. Occasionally, when emotions stirred, she found it difficult to fully engage and would help him in other ways—yet Wei Xian never mentioned anything about it! Moreover, since they were not yet married, she was concerned about causing trouble and had reservations in this regard. Did she really do something wrong in this situation?

Soon he returned with a box of ice cream and a bottle of mineral water. Xin Yitian took the ice cream and asked, "Why did you only buy one box? What about you, aren't you going to eat?"

He remained silent as the car shot out like an arrow released from a bow, making sharp turns before stopping in front of what appeared to be a private residence. Xin Yitian got out and gazed at this famous private restaurant in the city, turned to Xie De, widened his eyes and said: "Is this revenge or provocation? Hmph, I can afford it!" After saying this, he strode confidently inside

She can handle everything else with ease, even intense negative emotions such as pain, despair, fear, and hatred; she can find ways to resolve them well. However, this particular matter is one she feels ashamed to confront. Her emotions have no immediate outlet, leaving her troubled and increasingly angry, yet the more she thinks about it, the more she is at a loss as to how to return to normalcy. She does not wish to develop psychological scars from this, as she is different from others in this regard. This particular matter is one she feels ashamed to confront. Her emotions have no immediate outlet, leaving her troubled and increasingly angry, yet the more she thinks about it, the more she is at a loss as to how to return to normalcy. She does not wish to develop psychological scars from this, as she is different from others in this regard

He was taken aback for a moment, "I brought the card."

He snatched her phone away, irritably smoking a cigarette and asking her what exactly she wanted. Suddenly, she burst into tears and shouted, "Xin Yitian's heart is made of flesh, everyone is afraid of bumping into it, each person holds and protects her, unwilling to hurt her; is my heart made of stone? You tread on it as you please, and still want to kick it hard, do you think I won't feel pain?"

Walking from the mall into the sunlight, the feeling of being splashed with dirty water not only did not dissipate, but after being baked by the scorching sun, it fermented instead. The feeling of anger and humiliation grew increasingly intense. She did not take a taxi, but instead walked briskly along the street, picking up speed, almost breaking into a run. The metal chain of her bag struck against her chest, causing her pain. She stopped, gasping for breath, buried her head in her clothes, and silently asked herself: "Why am I so angry and furious?"

Xin Yitian did not expect her to start with this topic, and coldly said: "What does it have to do with you?"

"Do you want to come out and talk?" The voice of Wang Yishi came from the other end of the phone, sounding rather indifferent.

I am also hungry. Let's go eat, it's on me. So—" She slightly raised her chin, pointing at the clothes on the ground, while her eyes darted around as she looked at him.

I did not expect this to ignite Wang Yishi's pent-up resentment like a fuse. She spared no effort in mocking her: "So you can be so ruthless towards Xie for the sake of a Wei Xian, huh! Even I feel sorry for him. The goddess in your heart looks down on him completely, even discarding him like a worn-out shoe, ready to sacrifice him at any moment"

She did not look at the drink menu, sat up straight and said: "Juice, kiwi. Thank you"

Her demeanor, exuding an air of assured victory, infuriated Wang Yishi. She raised an eyebrow and coldly laughed, saying: "Do you think you have won? Not so fast! If you don't believe it, let's wait and see."

Strangely, this silence did not make anyone feel uncomfortable. After a few minutes, he suddenly asked: "Would you like to have some ice cream?"

Xin Yitian watched as the door to the room slowly closed before her, feeling anxious as she recalled Wei Xian's ambiguous attitude. She half-knelt on the bed, crawling back and forth, unable to sit still. "What exactly went wrong?" she murmured to herself, wondering if it was herself or Wei Xian, otherwise how could Wang Yishi have taken advantage of the situation?

Wang Yishi squinted her eyes, removing the facade of friendliness from her face, and a gloomy voice echoed in her ears—"Did you say the same to Wei Xian? And then force him to cut through the chaos decisively?"

Xin Yitian followed the direction of his finger and saw a 24-hour convenience store, remaining silent. He patted his clothes and stood up. After walking a few steps, Xin Yitian called out to him and asked, "Do you have any change?"

She arbitrarily commanded him, even treating him as a laborer, and he, surprisingly, accepted it willingly. He felt anger towards such a humble version of himself

While dining at the "Furong Pavilion," He Zhen noticed her lack of appetite and her languid demeanor. Concerned, he asked, "What’s wrong? Why do you seem so listless? Has something happened?" Xin Yitian had been carrying a heavy burden in her heart for several days, with no one to discuss it with, which was truly distressing. She had been hesitating, wondering if expressing it might bring some relief, as having another person to brainstorm ideas would be beneficial.

I do not know how it has come to this—" Wei said with difficulty, "but, in any case, I will give you an explanation."

Xin Yitian fixed her with an intense gaze and, after a moment, spoke slowly and deliberately: "I have been trying to guess the reason behind your actions. If you truly have feelings for Wei Xian, that would be somewhat more acceptable."

She jumped down from the bed barefoot and stood on the balcony, feeling the breeze. The night and the cold wind gradually calmed her mood. For a moment, she absurdly wished that the sun would never rise again, that the world would sink into oblivion, and that all of this was merely a dream, indifferent to whether she would wake up or not

She saw his car parked prominently in front of the hotel from a distance, probably waiting for her. She lost her interest in speaking, did not ask him what was the matter, and simply stared blankly at a certain part of the night sky.

As she stumbled back to the hotel, the sky had completely darkened. The night, streetlights, traffic, shops, evening breeze, and starry sky flashed before her eyes like scenes from a movie. Just as the hotel came into view, she suddenly lost her strength and sat down on the long stone steps by the roadside, staring blankly and remaining motionless. She felt an overwhelming urge to throw the clothes in her hands into the trash can.

Xin Yitian wishes to return to Beijing as soon as possible. She discussed with the company and requested them to send someone over in advance to take over her work. Director Qi, who is in charge of her, said: "The company intends to establish an office in Shanglin and plans for you to be in charge. Are you really determined to return to Beijing, without reconsidering? Your performance in Shanglin has been outstanding."

"What would you like to drink?" Wang Yishi reached out to summon the waiter

"So how do you intend to resolve this matter?" Xin Yitian was tempted to rush up and slap him, but she held back. The depth of Wang Yishi's jealousy and hostility towards her left her alarmed and deeply unsettled

Director Qi expressed regret and could not help but ask: "Why are you so adamant? Staying in Shanglin would be very beneficial for your career development in the company"

Xin Yitian cast a glance at him, ignoring his suggestive words and fervent gaze, and resolutely refused: "No." Saying this, she scooped a large spoonful and brought it to her mouth